January provides an opportunity for couples to engage in a meaningful relationship audit, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Kathy Nickerson from Orange County, California. She emphasizes the importance of regular communication in maintaining a strong and lasting marriage. With divorce application rates typically peaking in the first three months of the year, this annual check-in can be crucial for couples aiming to reinforce their connection.
Dr. Nickerson advocates for discussing seven key areas of connection during this annual review. These topics encompass finances, intimacy, stress, dreams, health, boundaries, and shared goals. She explains that addressing these subjects helps partners feel “understood, supported, and loved,” ultimately preventing the misunderstandings that can lead to relationship breakdowns.
Essential Topics for Discussion
The first topic to tackle is finances. Couples should explore their financial plans for the upcoming year, discussing what makes them feel secure and how they will manage potential financial stress. Dr. Nickerson warns that unspoken frustrations about money can foster resentment, which can erode the relationship over time.
Intimacy is another fundamental area. Partners are encouraged to ask each other how they feel emotionally and physically. Questions could include what they desire more or less of in their relationship and how they can help each other feel cherished.
Stress, often a neglected topic, significantly impacts communication and patience. Dr. Nickerson suggests couples ask each other to rate their stress levels on a scale of one to ten and discuss ways to provide support.
Dreams also play a vital role in building connection. Couples should discuss their aspirations and how they can work together to achieve them, fostering a sense of teamwork and shared purpose.
Health, encompassing mental and physical wellbeing, is critical for a thriving relationship. Couples should inquire about each other’s self-care practices, discussing what they crave more of in their lives, such as rest or joy.
Setting boundaries is essential too. Although sometimes a challenging conversation, it can prevent feelings of overwhelm. Couples should address any relationship dynamics that may feel uncomfortable and work toward solutions that respect each partner’s needs.
Finally, Dr. Nickerson emphasizes the importance of establishing a shared goal for the year ahead. Collaborating on a common objective can deepen the connection, transforming partners into teammates working toward a mutual finish line.
Creating a Lasting Connection
Dr. Nickerson notes that while each couple’s priorities may differ, the foundational elements of safety—emotional, physical, and financial—are universally important. She stresses that open communication is vital to keeping love alive.
“Your partner can’t read your mind,” she explains. “Communication is how love stays alive. Share openly, listen generously, validate feelings, and reassure each other often.”
The seven questions Dr. Nickerson recommends for the annual relationship audit are as follows:
1. How will we handle our finances this year and how did we find the past year?
2. How can we ensure we are both happy with our levels of intimacy?
3. On a scale of one to ten, how stressed have you been and how can I support you?
4. What are your dreams for the coming year and how can we work together to achieve them?
5. How have you been feeling health-wise and is there anything you feel is missing?
6. Are you feeling comfortable with our current boundaries, and if not, how could we change them to suit you better?
7. What will be our shared goal for 2026 and how can we work together to achieve it?
Engaging in these conversations not only strengthens relationships but also fosters a deeper understanding between partners. By prioritizing communication, couples can build a resilient bond that stands the test of time.
