Pete Hegseth Proposes ‘Decoy Pizza’ Plan to Foil Pentagon Trackers

BREAKING: US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has just announced an unconventional strategy to mislead military activity trackers. Speaking on Fox News, Hegseth revealed he’s considering ordering “lots of pizza on random nights” to confuse those monitoring takeaway orders near the Pentagon for signs of impending military action.

The so-called Pentagon Pizza Report has gained traction by analyzing late-night pizza delivery spikes as indicators of heightened military activity. Hegseth’s remarks come amid growing concerns about open-source intelligence, where seemingly mundane data points can signal crucial developments in national security.

Hegseth stated, “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Domino’s orders, it might just be me… throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance,” emphasizing that the Pentagon is well aware of how easily public data can be interpreted. He confirmed that planners actively consider these patterns to maintain operational security.

Earlier today, a surge in pizza orders near the Pentagon was noted, with activity spiking dramatically around 6:59 PM ET. Social media observants reported, “As of 6:59 PM ET nearly all pizza establishments nearby the Pentagon have experienced a HUGE surge in activity.” This aligns with historic patterns where unusual pizza activity often precedes significant military events.

On June 12, just before Israel’s major attack on Iran, similar pizza order spikes were detected, suggesting that top officials were monitoring the situation closely. The Pentagon Pizza Report has been both mocked and taken seriously due to its uncanny ability to align with real-world events.

Hegseth’s remarks highlight a growing anxiety within defense circles about the implications of open-source intelligence. Data from takeout orders, traffic patterns, and late-night movements are now seen as potential indicators of critical military operations. Hegseth noted, “There’s a reason Midnight Hammer worked… we understand open-sourced ways in which the public and others are trying to watch movements.”

The term Midnight Hammer refers to a US military operation during a conflict that targeted Iran’s nuclear facilities. Hegseth’s comments underscore a critical awareness within the Pentagon regarding the need to control information leaks, especially with the public’s increasing capability to interpret open data.

This pizza theory, while humorous, has roots in a long-standing tradition of linking food deliveries to military readiness. Observations have noted that pizza orders often spike before significant military events, going back as far as the 1980s. Notably, during the hours leading up to Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait, the CIA ordered a record-breaking 21 pizzas on August 1, 1990.

As the Pentagon grapples with the implications of this open-source intelligence era, Hegseth’s proposal serves as a fascinating intersection of humor and serious defense strategy. This developing story raises important questions about transparency, security, and the lengths to which officials will go to protect sensitive information.

Stay tuned for further updates as this story unfolds.