Dr. Emmie Fulton, a psychologist and solo parent of three neurodivergent children, has revealed how her professional background did not fully prepare her for the unique challenges of parenting. Despite her expertise in mental health, she found that traditional methods often fell short when addressing the needs of her children, who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
Fulton initially believed that her training and knowledge would seamlessly translate into effective parenting strategies. However, she soon discovered that her understanding of mental health did not encompass the profound differences in the inner experiences of neurodivergent children. The tools she had relied on for managing anxiety and negative thought patterns proved inadequate in this new context.
Adapting to Unique Needs
The realization that conventional parenting techniques were not effective led Fulton to reassess her approach. She found herself overwhelmed by the energy required to address the conflicting needs of her children. What calmed one child often escalated distress in another, creating a challenging emotional environment at home.
Fulton described her home as a “cauldron of emotions,” where traditional methods like sticker charts and negative consequences elicited strong reactions rather than constructive responses. This prompted a moment of reflection for her, acknowledging that there is no definitive guide for parenting neurodivergent children. No single formula exists to navigate the complexities of their needs.
“There is no formula. No book or podcast that quite held the answer.”
This journey led Fulton to embrace a shift in mindset. She recognized the importance of curiosity over control, understanding that behavior is often a form of communication, especially in children who may lack the words to express their feelings. Instead of focusing on stopping undesirable behaviors, she began to ask, “What aren’t they getting that they need?”
Strategies for Connection and Understanding
Fulton explored various strategies to foster connection and understanding with her children. She experimented with reducing sensory input, providing comfort through physical affection, and creating predictability in their environment. Simple activities, such as roaring like a lion or engaging in playful pillow fights, helped to diffuse intense emotions and promote a sense of relief.
Despite her efforts, Fulton learned to accept that she could not fix every problem her children faced. This acceptance proved difficult, as she often battled feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion. The pressure of being both a psychologist and a parent heightened her self-doubt during challenging moments.
In response to her experiences, Fulton founded Hero Cards, a set of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) tools designed to help children navigate their emotions and develop coping strategies. These tools aim to equip children with skills to recognize their thoughts and feelings, fostering resilience before challenges arise.
“The tools that have helped me most in my own life are the cognitive behavioral therapy skills I learned during my training,” Fulton explained. By making these resources accessible to children, she hopes to empower them to manage their emotional landscape more effectively.
Fulton’s ongoing journey highlights the importance of adaptability and continuous learning in parenting neurodivergent children. Each day brings new challenges and opportunities for growth, both for her children and for herself as a parent.
Ultimately, her experience serves as a reminder that while expertise in psychology can provide valuable insights, the realities of parenting require flexibility, patience, and a willingness to learn from each unique situation.
